I’ve been single for eight years, and I blame it on my makeup
Hello, my name is Beth, and I’ve been online dating since I was 18 years old (just a casual eight years of my life, is all). At this point, I’ve probably swiped through the entirety of Chicago and roughly half of New York.
And all I have to show for it are a few dozen failed matches and one incredible story about hooking up with a CIA agent…who only revealed their identity after dumping me.
What has this got to do with makeup? I’ll tell you something: I’m not overly picky. All I ask is that you have a sense of humor. I’m not overly picky; I’m open to dating both men and women.
What I am is a makeup junkie, and it shows. Photos of me wearing glitzed-out highlighter on my cheekbones, vibrant red lipstick, meticulously blended watercolor eyes, and neon graphic eyeliner adorn my profiles.
This makes perfect sense to me because makeup is the foundation of my job, what I do for stress relief, and how I communicate my mood and feelings. But recently,
I’ve begun to suspect that it doesn’t make perfect sense to others, and that my beauty looks may come across as a little intimidating? Or is it something else? There could only be one answer.
On a recent night, I changed all of my profile photos from makeup-heavy selfies to no-makeup makeup (or no makeup) shots.
The next day, I was surprised and disappointed to see quadruple the number of Likes I usually get. Why did it take deleting all of my favorite photos of myself to get romantic prospects to notice me? Had I discovered a depressing solution to getting more matches: giving up a piece of myself?
Erika Kaplan of Three Day Rule, a matchmaking and dating coach service, was contacted. The results of my experiment did not surprise her. «Most people on apps are looking for someone who is genuine,» she explained.
«And some people do not see makeup as an expression of self, art, or fashion. Instead, they see it as a cover-up, indicating that someone is attempting to conceal themselves.»
Essentially, many swipers have been conditioned to think of makeup as a mask, similar to catfishing, which is arguably the thing people on dating apps are most afraid of (other than, you know, accidentally matching with their cousin).
And by swipers, I don’t just mean men—when my photos are full of makeup, I usually get the same radio silence from women. Which is annoying because women constantly compliment my makeup when we’re not chatting on an app with romantic intentions.
«While some people may see you with full makeup and think you look amazing as a friend, they may assume you’re fake or dishonest when viewing you as a potential partner,» explained relationship therapist Jennifer Silvershein Teplin, the second expert I spoke with.
And, by the way, fine. I, too, am concerned about being duped in the perplexing and complicated world of online dating. And I wouldn’t want to meet up with someone who looks nothing like their profile pictures.
But…given that there’s little room for nuance on dating apps, how am I supposed to show my personality in a way that’s authentic to me while also not scaring people away?
Kaplan’s recommendation: Upload photos that tell a story, such as shots of me doing things I enjoy and being my most happy self. «By allowing someone into your life, they feel as if they can see who they’re talking to, which makes you appear more trustworthy.»
